“Pick your battles” Sounds easy right, but what does that mean?

1. Uncertainty around where your values lie. Unclear goals or life aspirations.

Not having a clear understanding about what is MOST important to you can lead to confusion and spending precious time sweating the small stuff. This feeling of overwhelm causes you to become fixated on things that are beyond your control; maybe a situation that is influenced by external factors, whether it be due to someone else’s behaviour or environmental influences.

2. Instability and the influence of mental illness.

Anxiety, hopelessness and constant worry are feelings that you know all too well. So much so that they begin to take over, making even the most simplest of decisions seem like a life or death matter. Each time you are presented with a new opportunity or decision to make the anxiety hits you, closely followed by the overthinking monster and so you find yourself stuck. You catastrophise everything, making the wrong decision because in a state of panic and overwhelm you are making a decision based on which option will bring on less stress and anxiety, rather than saying yes to an opportunity which will enable growth.

While your in these states you find yourself constantly leaning on those around you to make important decisions; you are constantly seeking reassurance because you literally have no energy left in your being to make that final call. Whilst it is helpful to seek advice from trusted individuals, this dependence can more often than not lead to increasing anxiety and dissapointment as you may take on the judgements of others more deeply.

This linking in with my next point.

3. Pleasing others vs trusting your inner wisdom.

Learning to accept that you can’t please everyone. I think every one of us during our time on this earth has an “oh shit” moment when they realise maybe if I had just trusted my inner wisdom and my gut rather than buying into everyone else’s BS, things could have been different.

For me that “oh shit” moment was the end of last year. I was in my final year of my Bachelor of Nursing degree and was hit with incredible feelings of disappointment as I had failed most of the subjects for the year. In April of 2017 I had been diagnosed with moderate depression and an anxiety disorder in response to a family member’s attempted overdose. I had been suffering with these symptoms for about 6 months prior to telling anyone or seeking professional help. Only I knew how unwell I was and what I needed to do to help myself but instead I let the voice of others take over. In my head I had made up my mind that I needed to defer my uni degree for the remainder of the year and come back next year (this year) with a fresh mindset. But instead of having trust within, I was told to “keep going”, to “not run away”. The intentions were good but just not right for me. In my head I had already deferred.

What I’m getting at here is that ultimately you know in your heart what is best for you and what you need to do to manifest contentment. That the people around you may have good intentions but they might not be the right ones.

Ask yourself! “What will make me happy?”, “Am I doing something because they know better or they are the professional?” OR “Am I doing something because I know myself and have trust in my process?”

Here’s my tips on how to not just survive the battles, but how to WIN them!

• Be clear on your values. Ask yourself what is important to you? Maybe keep a list in your journal so you can reflect on them. Example – Would you rather have 25 mediocre friendships or 5 true, honest, loving friendships with lasting connections. It’s a choice to keep toxic, negative relationships in your life.
• Stop trying to please everyone… YOU CAN’T
• Have trust in your inner wisdom. Don’t completely disregard the valued opinions but know that ultimately you know best.
• Have goals and remind yourself of them daily (maybe create yourself a dream board or list them down in your diary). Recording them somewhere or being able to physical visualise them will help you during those crisis periods or lows.
• Act with purpose. In other words conduct yourself in a way that will allow you to achieve your desired goals
• Positive Affirmation – “I am confident that I know what is best to serve my own happiness”